I talked to the hiring manager at a small local business a couple of times this week and have scheduled an interview for next week. But there is something about the conversations that makes me wonder if my internal conflict is externally obvious. While speaking with the manager (we'll call him "Bob"), he mentioned several times that the work I would be doing is intense and complicated and am I really sure I want to do this? Now, I appreciate open and honest communication (unless I'm having a bad hair day or my outfit is unflattering), but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was trying to scare me away. Since I am not planning to storm the office demanding an interview unless he convinces me that my life force will be drained away if I step within a mile of the place, I found this tactic to be superfluous. I suppose it's possible that he thinks that I'm qualified for the job, but he can sense my ambivalence through the tone of my resume and/or phone voice. His comment that "we only want people who want to be here" makes me think that perhaps he is unimpressed with my commitment to a job I don't yet have.
I tried very hard to sound enthusiastic and professional on the phone, but I've allowed myself to be snarky for too long. While Bob talked about the challenges of his profession and how it isn't for everyone, I knew I should be sharing little anecdotes about my qualifications and asking insightful questions. Instead, all that came to mind were smart-alack comments I had to fight to keep in. For example, when Bob asked me what I was looking for, I wanted to say, "Well, Bob, I'm currently looking for an independently wealthy man to marry so I never have to work again. Are you single?" Instead, I said something inane about wanting to provide excellent customer service. I was so focused on keeping the snarky comments in that I honestly have no idea what came out of my mouth.
I haven't been sleeping too well lately because I keep going over the pros and cons of the job search and various other personal situations. I lay awake thinking about the likelihood of different outcomes. It's kind of annoying because I like my sleep. I need it to function. Last night, I was wide awake trying to come to some sort of decision about my future. I have a handy little "Fortune Ball" app on my iPhone, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. I took my phone in my hands and asked (with far too much sincerity) if I was making the right decision. The answer: For Serious. I got the feeling that maybe my Fortune Ball was taking too much joy from my current dilemma. Perhaps it was even being sarcastic with me! So I did the sensible thing and asked the Fortune Ball, "Are you being sarcastic?" The reply: Ask Again Later.
So basically, I learned two things:
1. There are problems in this world that cannot be solved by an iPhone.
2. Snarkiness is like karma. It always comes back around to taunt you in inappropriate situations.
In conclusion, I'm excited about my interview next week. I think I would like the job and would be good at it. And I will resist the urge to get an "I Eat Fairy Princesses" t-shirt made for the occasion. If you don't get the t-shirt reference, check out my Etsy shop to see the new Halloween and Thanksgiving cards!