When Snarkiness Catches Up with You

I've been pretty ambivalent about some things recently.   As I mentioned last week, I've half-heartedly started a job search out of a desperate need for funds.   I've actually some calls about my resume, and I know I should be thrilled about it.  I'm just not sure that I am.  

I talked to the hiring manager at a small local business a couple of times this week and have scheduled an interview for next week.  But there is something about the conversations that makes me wonder if my internal conflict is externally obvious.  While speaking with the manager (we'll call him "Bob"), he mentioned several times that the work I would be doing is intense and complicated and am I really sure I want to do this?  Now, I appreciate open and honest communication (unless I'm having a bad hair day or my outfit is unflattering), but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was trying to scare me away.  Since I am not planning to storm the office demanding an interview unless he convinces me that my life force will be drained away if I step within a mile of the place, I found this tactic to be superfluous.  I suppose it's possible that he thinks that I'm qualified for the job, but he can sense my ambivalence through the tone of my resume and/or phone voice.  His comment that "we only want people who want to be here" makes me think that perhaps he is unimpressed with my commitment to a job I don't yet have.  

I tried very hard to sound enthusiastic and professional on the phone, but I've allowed myself to be snarky for too long.  While Bob talked about the challenges of his profession and how it isn't for everyone, I knew I should be sharing little anecdotes about my qualifications and asking insightful questions.  Instead, all that came to mind were smart-alack comments I had to fight to keep in.  For example, when Bob asked me what I was looking for, I wanted to say, "Well, Bob, I'm currently looking for an independently wealthy man to marry so I never have to work again.  Are you single?"  Instead, I said something inane about wanting to provide excellent customer service.  I was so focused on keeping the snarky comments in that I honestly have no idea what came out of my mouth. 

I haven't been sleeping too well lately because I keep going over the pros and cons of the job search and various other personal situations.  I lay awake thinking about the likelihood of different outcomes.  It's kind of annoying because I like my sleep.  I need it to function.  Last night, I was wide awake trying to come to some sort of decision about my future.  I have a handy little "Fortune Ball" app on my iPhone, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.  I took my phone in my hands and asked (with far too much sincerity) if I was making the right decision.  The answer:  For Serious.  I got the feeling that maybe my Fortune Ball was taking too much joy from my current dilemma.  Perhaps it was even being sarcastic with me!  So I did the sensible thing and asked the Fortune Ball, "Are you being sarcastic?"  The reply:  Ask Again Later.  

So basically, I learned two things:

1.  There are problems in this world that cannot be solved by an iPhone.

2.  Snarkiness is like karma.  It always comes back around to taunt you in inappropriate situations.

In conclusion, I'm excited about my interview next week. I think I would like the job and would be good at it.  And I will resist the urge to get an "I Eat Fairy Princesses" t-shirt made for the occasion.  If you don't get the t-shirt reference, check out my Etsy shop to see the new Halloween and Thanksgiving cards!

Embellishing

I need a job.  You know, a real one that pays.  With almost no income, I've really started to notice how quickly my financial reserves evaporate.  How do I spend so much?  And I need money invest in my business before I can expect to make a profit.  Supplies, advertising, etc. don't pay for themselves!

Here's the problem:  I don't really want a job.  Do I even have time for one?  Sure, I may not have posted a blog entry in weeks or listed any new cards in the online shop in over a month, but I've been really busy doing.......something?  Let's see...I do crossword puzzles, I read a lot of books, I watch a lot of TV (Don't judge, it's fall premiere season!), and I've even started going to the gym.

Anyone who has know me for a while knows how funny it is that I've started going to the gym.  I've been staunchly opposed to organized exercise for the better part of my life.  And yet now you can me tripping over steps, getting barbells caught in my shoelaces, and performing off-rhythm jumping jacks in the back of a class several times a week.  Am I really so desperate not work that I'll actually work out?  Maybe a little.  But I hope the real answer is something a bit deeper.

I was considering this question this weekend while I finally got my butt back to work.  I sat at my desk for hours on Saturday sewing tiny glass beads onto greeting cards and wondering why I let myself get so behind.  This is what I came up with:

1.  I need a stronger needle to work with.  For serious, I think I ruined mine.  This is what it looks like now:

2.  Some of my best ideas come when I'm not trying to "work."  For example, while visiting my grandfather I came up with a line of "glimpse into your future" birthday cards.  The idea is to develop several different characters and a quiz to help you determine what kind of old person you or your friends will be.  Hopefully no one will be offended by it since its my way of coping with my grandfather's Alzheimer's.  But the point is that my life fuels my work.  When I stop participating in life, my creative energy dries up.

So here is my new outlook:  with every action I take, I am sewing a bead onto my business.  Or maybe I'm adding glitter, or making a little wire flower bouquet.  The point is, I'm adding embellishment.  Yes, we could make cards with no embellishment and it would be efficient and sensible and cut down on postage.  But they wouldn't be as fun and pretty, and they wouldn't fully reflect me and Ashley.  And yes, I could work more efficiently.  I could skip the brunches and the crossword puzzles, put the books down, and even give up the joys of Body Pump class.  But what can I say?  My life needs sparkle!

By the way, check out www.JAGreetingss.etsy.com later this week.  Our new embellished holiday cards should be up in the next 2-3 days!

And also, I still need to find a stupid job.  Sigh.