When Snarkiness Catches Up with You

I've been pretty ambivalent about some things recently.   As I mentioned last week, I've half-heartedly started a job search out of a desperate need for funds.   I've actually some calls about my resume, and I know I should be thrilled about it.  I'm just not sure that I am.  

I talked to the hiring manager at a small local business a couple of times this week and have scheduled an interview for next week.  But there is something about the conversations that makes me wonder if my internal conflict is externally obvious.  While speaking with the manager (we'll call him "Bob"), he mentioned several times that the work I would be doing is intense and complicated and am I really sure I want to do this?  Now, I appreciate open and honest communication (unless I'm having a bad hair day or my outfit is unflattering), but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was trying to scare me away.  Since I am not planning to storm the office demanding an interview unless he convinces me that my life force will be drained away if I step within a mile of the place, I found this tactic to be superfluous.  I suppose it's possible that he thinks that I'm qualified for the job, but he can sense my ambivalence through the tone of my resume and/or phone voice.  His comment that "we only want people who want to be here" makes me think that perhaps he is unimpressed with my commitment to a job I don't yet have.  

I tried very hard to sound enthusiastic and professional on the phone, but I've allowed myself to be snarky for too long.  While Bob talked about the challenges of his profession and how it isn't for everyone, I knew I should be sharing little anecdotes about my qualifications and asking insightful questions.  Instead, all that came to mind were smart-alack comments I had to fight to keep in.  For example, when Bob asked me what I was looking for, I wanted to say, "Well, Bob, I'm currently looking for an independently wealthy man to marry so I never have to work again.  Are you single?"  Instead, I said something inane about wanting to provide excellent customer service.  I was so focused on keeping the snarky comments in that I honestly have no idea what came out of my mouth. 

I haven't been sleeping too well lately because I keep going over the pros and cons of the job search and various other personal situations.  I lay awake thinking about the likelihood of different outcomes.  It's kind of annoying because I like my sleep.  I need it to function.  Last night, I was wide awake trying to come to some sort of decision about my future.  I have a handy little "Fortune Ball" app on my iPhone, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.  I took my phone in my hands and asked (with far too much sincerity) if I was making the right decision.  The answer:  For Serious.  I got the feeling that maybe my Fortune Ball was taking too much joy from my current dilemma.  Perhaps it was even being sarcastic with me!  So I did the sensible thing and asked the Fortune Ball, "Are you being sarcastic?"  The reply:  Ask Again Later.  

So basically, I learned two things:

1.  There are problems in this world that cannot be solved by an iPhone.

2.  Snarkiness is like karma.  It always comes back around to taunt you in inappropriate situations.

In conclusion, I'm excited about my interview next week. I think I would like the job and would be good at it.  And I will resist the urge to get an "I Eat Fairy Princesses" t-shirt made for the occasion.  If you don't get the t-shirt reference, check out my Etsy shop to see the new Halloween and Thanksgiving cards!

Embellishing

I need a job.  You know, a real one that pays.  With almost no income, I've really started to notice how quickly my financial reserves evaporate.  How do I spend so much?  And I need money invest in my business before I can expect to make a profit.  Supplies, advertising, etc. don't pay for themselves!

Here's the problem:  I don't really want a job.  Do I even have time for one?  Sure, I may not have posted a blog entry in weeks or listed any new cards in the online shop in over a month, but I've been really busy doing.......something?  Let's see...I do crossword puzzles, I read a lot of books, I watch a lot of TV (Don't judge, it's fall premiere season!), and I've even started going to the gym.

Anyone who has know me for a while knows how funny it is that I've started going to the gym.  I've been staunchly opposed to organized exercise for the better part of my life.  And yet now you can me tripping over steps, getting barbells caught in my shoelaces, and performing off-rhythm jumping jacks in the back of a class several times a week.  Am I really so desperate not work that I'll actually work out?  Maybe a little.  But I hope the real answer is something a bit deeper.

I was considering this question this weekend while I finally got my butt back to work.  I sat at my desk for hours on Saturday sewing tiny glass beads onto greeting cards and wondering why I let myself get so behind.  This is what I came up with:

1.  I need a stronger needle to work with.  For serious, I think I ruined mine.  This is what it looks like now:

2.  Some of my best ideas come when I'm not trying to "work."  For example, while visiting my grandfather I came up with a line of "glimpse into your future" birthday cards.  The idea is to develop several different characters and a quiz to help you determine what kind of old person you or your friends will be.  Hopefully no one will be offended by it since its my way of coping with my grandfather's Alzheimer's.  But the point is that my life fuels my work.  When I stop participating in life, my creative energy dries up.

So here is my new outlook:  with every action I take, I am sewing a bead onto my business.  Or maybe I'm adding glitter, or making a little wire flower bouquet.  The point is, I'm adding embellishment.  Yes, we could make cards with no embellishment and it would be efficient and sensible and cut down on postage.  But they wouldn't be as fun and pretty, and they wouldn't fully reflect me and Ashley.  And yes, I could work more efficiently.  I could skip the brunches and the crossword puzzles, put the books down, and even give up the joys of Body Pump class.  But what can I say?  My life needs sparkle!

By the way, check out www.JAGreetingss.etsy.com later this week.  Our new embellished holiday cards should be up in the next 2-3 days!

And also, I still need to find a stupid job.  Sigh.

Blessed

September 23 -

Today is my grandmother's birthday.  She is such an incredible inspiration to me.  I wanted to be with her on her birthday this year in particular because just one week ago she had to move her husband of 60 years into a memory care unit.  After losing him in bits in pieces over the last few years, it was difficult to finally acknowledge that the Alzheimer's had progressed to the point that he could no longer live at home (or in fact, know where home is).  During yesterday's visit to him, I marveled that she had the strength to smile as my grandfather looked at her and asked, "Who are you married to?"

Grandmother is a soft-spoken woman, but her example has had a huge impact on me.  So today, in honor of this wonderful woman, I'd like to share some things that my grandmother taught me over the years:

1.  The table should be set for breakfast before going to bed every night.  It's one less thing to worry about in the morning, and a well-laid table sets a positive tone for the rest of the day.

2.  Dishwashers are for sissies.  Real women wash dishes by hand (and rinse in hot water because dishes rinsed in cold water take longer to dry).

3.  House guests should be served coffee with pastries of some sort two or three times a day.

4.  Any animals in the vicinity should and will receive regular meals.

5.  Don't waste time; we're given precious little of it, and we should do something productive with it.

6.  Take time to be quiet.  Activity is just busy work if you don't take time to reflect.

7.  Put others ahead of yourself every time.

8.  Real love requires few words; it is felt in every action.

9.  Seek advise and accept help.  Don't expect others to get you out of a bad situation, but admit when you can't do something on your own.  Accept assistance with grace.

10.  Yes, life is hard.  Yes, it can be sad and painful.  But there is always reason to rejoice.  Hope springs eternal.

I did not give my grandmother a JA Greetings card for her birthday.  Our snarky cards don't really express how much I love and respect her.  I am working on a superwoman card inspired by her, and I hope she (and everyone else) will enjoy it!

 

Leave Paradise In Its Place

If I have not adequately made my point thus far, starting a new business is stressful.  I spend so much time thinking about insurance and taxes and filing with the correct government agencies that it's really hard to think about anything else.  Thankfully, I have a darling friend who took me on a lovely Caribbean cruise where I could clear my head.

After nearly a month of learning important business lessons, (such as: envelopes are necessary to sell greeting cards, paper is way expensive, and 'entrepreneur' is a fancy word for 'unemployed') I was definitely ready for a break.  The plan was to sail out of San Juan and arrive in a different port every day.  Hurricane Earl wreaked some havoc with the itinerary, but we had an amazing trip.

Actually, it was an amazing vacation.  There is a world of difference between a trip and a vacation.  A trip is mainly characterized by activity.  They can be fun and exciting and exhausting.  I went on a trip to Singapore and Indonesia earlier this year, and it was an incredible life-changing experience.  It was not, however, very restful.  A vacation, on the other hand, is characterized by rest.  It's a time to sleep, to eat, to sunbathe, and to sight see if there's extra time.  I love vacations!

I spent a week lounging in the sun (I actually have a tan!), eating delicious food (fillet mignon and melting chocolate cake), and losing my breath at the beauty around me.
Exhibit A:

The Pitons, St. Lucia

Exhibit B:

Champagne Reef, Dominica

Exhibit C:

Magen's Bay Beach, St. Thomas

My pictures don't do any kind of justice to these places, but I spent the whole week taking mental snapshots of these miracles.  To stand in the presence of such beauty is an amazing balm for the weary spirit.

However, my vacation was not totally without pressure.  I love my dear traveling companion like a sister, but she is married and I am not.  Since she went through her share of set-ups before she met her husband, she now feels it is her right and duty to put me through the same thing.  Consequently, she tried to turn our time into an episode of the Love Boat.  While we were on the cruise, she tried to make me go to speed dating, go dancing at the disco by myself, and get the 2nd captain's phone number. Now, I got out of speed dating because there were a lot more women than men.  I did go to salsa dance classes while she videotaped my clumsy effort, and it was a lot of fun.  And the 2nd captain was a beautiful man--a tall dark Italian with wavy hair and startling blue eyes.  Still, I don't think that all of these efforts are really necessary.  I haven't given up hope that I might actually meet someone on my own.  So Darling, I love you like whoa, but please don't go through with your plan to sign me up for Match.com!

My vacation was so lovely that I was really not looking forward to getting back to the real world.  I was so relaxed, and work is so stressful!  My body was even revolting against the idea of work by developing a truly atrocious cold.  At the San Juan airport (a disgusting little hole of a place, in case you were wondering), I stood in line after line; first, I had to have my bags inspected by the USDA, then I had to check in with the airline, and then go through security.  It was while I was standing in one of the six security lines (all of which lead to two employees who chatted happily to each other while ignoring the growing line of frustrated travelers) that I saw this sign:  "Leave paradise in its place.  Beyond this point you will be subject to additional scrutiny."  I was a little shocked because most signs about security are something long and insincere about how all employees are instructed to be courteous and apologizing for any inconvenience.  This one might as well have said, "Suck it up, Jamie!  You're a freakin' adult who doesn't have to go to an office or pay rent.  Get over yourself!"

So that is what I've tried to do.  I've been back a little over a week, and I've been fairly productive.  I met with an accountant to go over all of the forms I filled out (she gave me a gold star!), set up a business checking account, did some technical consulting, and listed the first five cards in my online shop (see www.JAGreetingss.etsy.com)!  But I am also keeping those snapshots of cleansing beauty in my heart, ready to review when I become overwhelmed.  So all due respect to the Puerto Rican TSA agents, but I know exactly where paradise belongs, and it's not in line at the airport.