Twenty, Plenty-Nine, One Hundred!

I had such high hopes for October, I really did.  You can probably tell by the number of blog posts this month that I have not been as productive as I would like.  Thankfully, there is still a little bit of time left this month so there is still a (very small) chance that I can meet the goals I set for myself.  

My feelings about all that I have to do are perfectly summed up, as they so often are, by my darling nephew Jack.  To his great delight, he found three pennies one day.  He took great delight in counting them over and over again:  "Twenty, plenty-nine, one hundred!"  (On a side note, he was just being silly.  He can totally count.)  On one hand, I feel like the number of things I have to do are piling up faster than an rational person can count; I might as well skip 1-19 altogether, then make up some numbers, and then skip right to insurmountable.  On the other hand, I'm vaguely and stupidly optimistic that I'll actually be able to accomplish everything in an improbably fast manner.  I mean, sure, I have a lot to do, but in my mind I can get through it all in a hop, skip, and a jump.  This thought process is how I'm able to justify putting off my entire to-do list.  

Sadly, I'm not able to complete my work at the same speed at which a silly four-year-old can count.  But what if I could?  What if "Twenty, plenty-nine, one hundred" was a magic chant like "abracadabra?"  Think of all the ways that could come in handy!  For example:

  -- "Wow, do you see how many people are standing in front of me in line?  There's twenty, plenty-nine, one hundred!"  BOOM!  Front of the line!

  --"I still have so many hours left on my shift!  There are twenty, plenty-nine, one hundred hours left."  BOOM!  Time to clock out!

  --"I wish that creepy guy was twenty, plenty-nine, one hundred miles away!"  BOOM!  Creeper gone!

There are, however, some topics that should be avoided.  One ought never use the magic chant when discussing the number of days left of vacation, the number of tips received, or number of friends.

I'm going to try out this new little trick right now.  Good luck to anyone who wants to try with me!

Full Time, Half Brain

So I'm not really sure where September went.  I remember working a lot thanks to my new full-time status at my Real Job, but everything else is kind of a blur.  My life basically falls into two categories:  work and sleep.  Sure, I do some other things, but I'm pretty sure that my brain power decreases as my workload increases (a negative correlation), and I'm not able to fully process events anymore.  Here is what I can remember from the last month:

     

     1.  The fall TV season began.  This is one reason that fall is my favorite season.  True, it was pretty complicated getting my TiVo recording schedule set up with so many new shows to try out plus returning favorites, but I love the beginning of a tv season.  There are so many possibilities and nothing has been cancelled yet!  Thus far, I've been relatively satisfied.  Yes, the lack of Joshua Jackson on Fringe has been disappointing, but the campy noir feel of Ringer and the goofy fun of New Girl are helping me cope until Peter Bishop makes his inevitable return.

     2.  Babies.  Nearly all of my friends are pregnant.  Okay, so not really all of them, but, like, four are.  I'm really happy for them and know that they will all be fantastic mothers, but honestly, I have trouble being as sweet as the birth of a baby traditionally requires.  I'm way to self-absorbed and sarcastic fully embrace the pastels-and-baby-talk movement.  Thankfully, my friends accept me as I am.  They've even shown support for my latest idea:  Onsie-liners--onsies with a smack of snark.  My favorites so are, "See, Mommy wasn't just fat!"  and "Proof Daddy's not gay."

     3.  I see the sun rise a lot.  I actually see it rise about 5 times a week because I don't live on the Little Prince's planet where I can just move my chair and watch as many sunrises as I want during the day, and I'm not getting up early enough to see it if I don't have to.  However, 5 days a week I'm at work (which is an hour away) by 6am, and I get to watch the sunrise over the taxiway.  It's quite beautiful and makes my days a little better.

And that's about all.  I'm still trying to put together a JA Greetings website, but it's taking far longer than it should.  My goal is to have it up and running by the end of the month.  Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to miss this blog during my hiatus :)

Congratulations on Finding a New Way to Fail!

 I have two new things to share today:
     1.  I want to make greeting cards that make it okay to fail, such as "Congratulations on finding a new way to fail!" (it points out that at least you accomplished something) or "At least you tried" (paired with the appropriate picture, it's a snarky take on the inspirational posters that hang in the hallways of middle schools).
     2.  I'm building a website.  That's right!  Soon, you'll be able to visit jagreetings.com!


A small fact:  New thing 2 inspired new thing 1.


It turns out that building a website is hard!  I'm using a web host that includes a really nice site building program, but before I use it, I have to make sure that I'm going to be able to accept payment in my fancy new shop.  I have a Google Checkout account since I hate PayPal, but GC is not integrated with any of the eCommerce tools that are integrated with my web host.  Now I'm trying to set up a custom integration, and I have grave doubts about my ability to pull it off.  There are all of these files and programs and databases and html and sql and php4 and I don't know what any of it means.  I think I'm following the instructions perfectly, and then nothing happens.  Or a bunch of error messages start flashing across the screen.  In either case, I'm not able to use Google Checkout with my online shop.  This is the end of day 2 of my efforts and my faith in my ability to figure this out is waning.  There is a reason I majored in psychology instead of computer science.

If I can figure this piece out, I think the new website will be amazing.  It will allow us more freedom creatively and from a business standpoint, so I'm not giving up yet.  But if I do fail, at least I'll have a card to cheer me up! 

Jamie's Hero and Villain of the Week #30

I know it's sad, but two Fridays have gone by without my naming a hero and villain of the week.  I'm sorry about that, but I am bringing it back just in time to read while all of my East Coasters are preparing for Hurricane Irene. 

Hero of the Week:  Parties
Last week I went to my first slumber party in a long time.  It was so much fun!  We ate tacos and chocolate lava cake, and we played Mall Madness.  That's right--Mall Madness, the board game the late 1980s.  We all had a super fabulous time!  Tomorrow I'm going to a tea party, and I have a new hat for the occasion.  I'm having such a good time, I think there should be a party every weekend.  Sure, I might run out of occasions, but I'm pretty creative.  For example, I could throw a party for a full moon.  It would be space themed, obviously, and everyone would dress like they lived on a different planet.  I would want Mars because red it kinda my color.  Anyway, for all of the fun I've had and the vast potential for future good times, parties are my hero of the week.

Villain of the Week:  George
Hurricane Irene has pretty much taken over the news this week (except for Tuesday when the earthquake was a pretty big deal).  I don't blame Irene; she's just following the example of treacherous storms before her.  Hurricane George became the first named storm to hit the US in 1947.  Consequently, I blame George.  Not just the hurricane, mind you, but George in general.  Throughout history, Georges have been disappointing, distracting, or destructive.  Don't believe me?  Take a look these Georges:
     George Lazenby, "the forgotten Bond" starred as James Bond in one movie before Sean Connery reprised the role. (Disappointing)
     George Willig scaled the World Trade Center and was arrested for trespassing.  (Distracting)
     George Armstrong Custer was responsible for the mistreatment and death of many Native Americans during the Indian Wars.  (Destructive)
Curious George get a pass because he's adorable.

That's all for  this week.  I hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend!