Sarcasm-Enhanced Technical Difficulties

I'm not a happy camper at the moment.  I know that is shocking since I'm normally all sparkles and rainbows. And yet, today everything conspired to irritate me, mostly by failing to detect the sarcasm in my tone.  Because I am so irritated and am experiencing technical difficulties, today's blog will simply be a list of things that irritate me and why:

--My dog, Gilbert:  He thinks when I say, "Yes, of course I made these eggs for you!  Please jump in my face and eat my breakfast!" that he should jump in my face and eat my eggs.

--iPhoto:  It said that it imported the pictures from my camera, deleted said photos, but in fact imported nothing.  Then when I said, "iPhoto, could you please do something even stupider?" it locked my computer.

--WiFi network:  When I said, "Millnet, could you please go slower?  I really want to spend all night updating a Facebook status!" it went slower.

Tomorrow I shall be cheerier to bring you the first installment of Jamie's Hero and Villain of the Week!

Jamie v. Photoshop: the Epic Battle

I spent a good portion of the day the day today trying to make sense of Adobe Photoshop.  I never worked with the program much, because why should I have to wade through 15 different layers and 50 different "adjust color" options?  It's nonsense!  By the time the cards are photographed, Ashley and I have already made tons of artistic choices.  It should be simple to take a photo and display it online.

I'm sure all of you photographer types out there are cringing at my philistine comments.  Before you get too upset, I do realize that photography is an art form.  But it's not my art form.  I have a decent point-and-shoot camera that bought because it fits in my purse and is a pretty blue color.  

Anyway, the photos on my Etsy site were terrible--the colors were washed out, huge portions were in shadow, and everything looked really grainy.  I read several articles that the most important thing in an online shop is the photography, so I dove into the murky swampland that is Photoshop to try to give the pics some much needed TLC.  I spent hours trying to figure out how to size the images so that I would be able to upload them to Etsy (stupid 2MB size limit!).  For some reason, when I opened an image, only a hugely magnified version of a tiny corner of the picture was displayed.  When I tried to zoom out, the corner got smaller, but the rest of the picture remained MIA.  I think it was hiding from my poor photo-editing skills.

I eventually managed to get the photo sized appropriately, but the quality was still incredibly poor.  I set about adding multitudes of adjustment layers and fiddling with light and contrast and color and saturation and hue.  Every time I adjusted one element another one went to heck.  I swear, Photoshop is like a boxing master who manages to knock me out while I'm blocking a hit from the other side.  How can it attack me from so many directions at once? I think I've developed a touch of Dementia Pugilistica.  And what did I get in return for all of my efforts?  Grainy neon-colored photos.

Apparently, it's really hard to make a poor-quality photo look great even if you know what you're doing with Photoshop.  I consulted Ashley (who understands the great mysteries of computerized art, like the difference between RGB and CMYK) and came to the conclusion that I really just needed to take new photos.  So that's what I did.  I did manage to use Photoshop to do a little polishing on the new pics, and the results weren't too bad.  I still have some learning to do, but at least I'm making progress!  Photoshop will not defeat me!

The Most Beautiful Man in the World

I'm sitting in my family room watching the snow begin to fall.  My nephew, Jack, is sitting next to me playing a matching game on my iPhone.  He's so sweet (at the moment) curled up next to me giggling at his game.  "There's a mouse, Aunt Jamie!  Where's the other mouse?"  That's a hippopotamus with two teeth on it!"  He's really quite good at it now and rarely needs my help.

I wish I were as good at matching things!  I've been trying to match my greeting cards (and my sparkling wit) with an appreciative and financially solvent audience.  My friends and family have been incredibly supportive and even purchased some of our creations.  Still, I'd really like to sell cards because people like them and not because of a sense of obligation.  I read recently that to reach the audience you want, think of your ideal buyer/reader.  My ideal everything showed up at my door recently.  The most beautiful man in the world came to the visit, and my world became so much brighter!  He had piercing blue eyes, a firm jaw, and a smile that could melt a blizzard.  He's also smart and funny and kind and generous and humble, but I'd marry him for the smile.  I had thought that my cards should be mainly directed at women since most greeting cards are purchased by women and my company is run by women.  However, when I showed a selection to tMBMitW, he died laughing.  That amazing feeling was almost enough to make me rethink this new marketing strategy.  I know that's not practical, but I think I've already demonstrated that I'm not a very practical person.  Oh well.  

In reality, I probably won't actually remarket because of one man.  But I probably will write some cards about him.  Everyone could use some encouragement from tMBMitW, right?  I sure could!

Irony and Social Media

Happy New Year to everyone!  About a week and a half into the new year is when most people start faltering on their resolutions.  Not me.  This is the time I start deciding which of my resolutions I actually meant and start taking action.  This year, I'm focusing a lot of my energy on JA Greetings in the hopes that I will one day be able to financially support myself.  My parents have been awesome letting me move back home and stop contributing to society, but I'll probably start to feel guilty about being a freeloader one of these days.  

To avoid that future guilt, I've been very busy trying to develop a marketing strategy.  I was really gung-ho about it until I broke my brain!  No I'm just gung (or am I just ho?).  Part of my brilliant and oh-so-original strategy was to create a Facebook page and Twitter account for the business.  While I was doing this, I realized their is a certain irony in relying on web-based social networking sites to convince people they need to send an actual card.  That is made with paper.  That requires a stamp to mail.  

Thankfully, there is a techno-savvy subculture (that prides itself on being above fad of social networking while still using it constantly) that's kind of madly in love with irony.  Yes, I'm talking about you, Hipsters.  I think you'll appreciate the snarkiness of the cards, and I promise to stop wanting to punch you in your stupid faces if you assist me in my quest for financial independence.  

Anyway, (please!) feel free to become fans of JA Greetings, Purveyors of Fine Wit on Facebook and follow JAGreetings on Twitter.