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Thursday, August 25, 2011

It Only Looks Like I've Given Up on Life

I'm not going to lie--the last couple of months have not been the best.  Various setbacks and business disappointments combined with the pressure of a new job have felt overwhelming at times.  I tried to take some time to rest and regroup last week, and the result was less than pretty.

I spent a large portion of my down time fast asleep, and the rest of the time looking like I just woke up.  One day, I ventured out to CVS frizzy-haired and make-up free.  I was there to buy extra-large bandages for the gaping flesh wound I received from a pair of rather fabulous platform stilettos, but I felt myself drawn to the "as seen on tv" aisle.  There, between the pain-free hair remover and the perfect pasta cooker, was a display of Pajamajeans.  In case you are unfamiliar with the product and/or are terrible at drawing logical conclusions, Pajamajeans are pants that feel like pajamas and are supposed to look like jeans.  I was first introduced to them by my friends merciless mockery of anyone that would deign to wear them.  And yet, a strange longing to wear the oft-maligned garment stirred inside me.  

An internal battle raged:  Am I really the kind of person who thinks that putting on a pair of jeans is too much effort when leaving the house?  Am I going to refuse to try something because my friends laugh at it?  Am I really going to pay $40 for glorified yoga pants?  Well, I have a coupon, so they won't be quite that much.  What should I do?!?  As I searched my soul for the answers to these questions, I surreptitiously circled the aisle.  Apparently, I was not as surreptitious as I would have liked because I started getting some odd looks from my fellow shoppers.

Finally, I made a decision.  To heck with my pride, I was buying the Pajamajeans!  I reached for a box and realized that my size was two boxes back.  As I tried to extract my target, several boxes from above started to tumble.  I tried to reach up to steady them, but my efforts were hampered by a shopping basket.  Then I tried to gently place the basket on the floor to free my hands, but I couldn't reach down without letting what amounted to the entire Pajamajeans display crumble around me.  I had to simply drop the basket, which made a rather dismal thunk! and ensured that everyone in the vicinity turned to watch my struggle.  Hurridly, I tried to wedge the box into my basket, and it nearly didn't fit.

I scurried up the checkout line with my head down, trying to cover my face with my frizzy hair.  Naturally, the line was longer than I'd ever seen it.  When it was finally my turn, the basket handles got stuck on the Pajamajeans box and it took me nearly 30 seconds to wrestle it free.  Then it was time to pay, and I thought my humiliation was nearly over.  Unfortunatley, I was wrong.  I handed the cashier a coupon for 25% off that I had printed from the in-store kiosk.  The cupon didn't have a barcode, so she had to call for a manager over the speaker.  Meanwhile, my Pajamajeans were standing proudly on the checkout counter, inviting all patrons behind me to see that not only was I buying fake jeans, but I was too cheap to pay full price.  When the manager finally arrived at the scene, she was also unable to appropriately apply the coupon.   I continued to stand there, ashamed, as the manager and her underling continued to fuss with the coupon and cash register for the next 10 minutes.  By the time they were done,  I was completely mortified.  At least I ended up with about 75% off my total!

When I finally got my Pajamajeans home, they were so comfy that I almost decided that they looked like regular jeans.  In fact, I went to the grocery store in them!  I'm sure it was probably just a delusion precipitated by extreme comfort.  My darling friend has assured me that, yes, they are ugly, and even tagged my "ugly pajamajeans" in a picture on Facebook.  However, despite all appearances, I have not totally given up on life.  I'm still trying to find a way to make my business work, and I may even wear a dress a put on make-up at some point in the future.

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