Retaliation

Dear "Aunt Gila,"

I asked Jack to use the potty recently and was rewarded with "What's your damage, Mommy?"
That may be hilariouse to you, an aunt, who can teach him things and then send him home, but I have to live with the consequences of your actions. Did you know that he could be sent to the principal's office for that kind of disrespect? For shame, Aunt Jamie, for shame! I want you to know that you will be the first on the list of those called to pick him up in that situation, as you are the root cause.

It is in the spirit of base revenge I tell you that I will be the "fun aunt" when you have children. I will teach them all kinds of delightful things meant to thrill your children and horrify you. How about art projects? Aunt Ashley is artistic, after all! I think papier mache might be a good place to start, don't you? We could papier mache all kinds of things, like couches, electronics, even household pets! And then we could paint them in oils.

Don't forget the glitter. No home is complete without a child's complete redecoration in glitter. It is your favorite medium, after all!